He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize