If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
