how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
