My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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