from now on my penis is your penis
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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