btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
