so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
