Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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