remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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