If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
