It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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