I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
