im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
