You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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