How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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