You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
