I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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