i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
