Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
