I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
