Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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