Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
