So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
