ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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