so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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