i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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