So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
