Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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