Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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