Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sorry about my life...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize