I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
