you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Someone shattered a urinal.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize