your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
