Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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