how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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