I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
