Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
