I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize