how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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