Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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