Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
