i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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