is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
