i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
