absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
