I'm lost and stupid without you.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
