def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
