Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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