Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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