Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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