see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize