Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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