her vagine was all disorganized.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
