Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
