I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
