somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
