Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
