I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize