I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
