This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
