Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
