I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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