good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
