and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
