ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize