just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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