Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
