so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
