I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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