her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
