Yo dont text me then not text me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
this just has baby written all over it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
