hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
