My room smells like vodka and shame
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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