Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
