Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
