You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
