is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
