Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
