It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
