I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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