We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize