She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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