I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
