He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
