Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize