I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
