He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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