After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
