Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
