need another drink. this is the easiest way
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
