this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I deserve this hangover.
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